Losing It
by Yliah
Summary: Warning, I'm not a fan of Elizabeth. This begins with Jake's accident & goes thru Liz's emotional journey-and mental state-as her life is falling apart. Chapter 1 is background info on what you should know.  Liz is redeemed in my follow up story though.
1. Prologue

CHAPTER 1

_Prologue_

Elizabeth Webber has always seemed to get the short end of the stick. Nothing ever seems to go her way, and her life often seems like it's in shambles. She has always loved Lucky Spencer, ever since they were teenagers. After she was brutally raped as a virgin fifteen-year-old, Lucky was there to pick up the pieces, help her cope, and get her life back on track. Because her first sexual experience was so violent and brutal, Elizabeth didn't really know what it should be like. Even though Lucky helped her through the worst time of her life, she found herself messing it up again. At the tender age of twenty, she married lawyer Ric Lansing, nearly nine years her senior. After getting pregnant with Ric's baby, and then suffering a miscarriage, she divorced him. She then became lovers with a man her own age, Zander Smith, and got pregnant with his child. When Zander died before the baby was born, though, Ric agreed to help her raise the baby and the two were remarried. That marriage, too, ended in divorce shortly after, though. Elizabeth was then alone, for a short time, with her son Cameron.

Lucky and Elizabeth found their way back to each other. They were married and Lucky adopted Cameron. They struggled financially, Lucky being a cop and Elizabeth a nurse, and never had enough money. Desperate for money, Elizabeth agreed to donate an egg to billionaire Jasper Jacks and his wife Courtney so that they could have a baby. When they found out that Courtney couldn't carry the baby, Elizabeth agreed to carry the child as well. This tore a rift between Lucky and Elizabeth. It was hard for Lucky to see his wife pregnant with another man's baby, even if it was for money. Elizabeth miscarried, and she and Lucky divorced.

They remarried, but when Lucky injured his back and got addicted to his pain meds, he started a torrid affair with Maxie Jones, who was supplying those meds. The night Elizabeth walked in on them—in her and Lucky's bed—she was stunned and quietly left, going to mob enforcer Jason Morgan's penthouse. She had briefly dated Jason before, but it never did become a sexual relationship; it did that night though. Elizabeth divorced Lucky, and then found out she was pregnant, and after a paternity test, found out that Jason was the father. It took her a long time to tell Lucky she slept with Jason, though. Lucky believed he was the father, and even after Elizabeth found out the truth about her baby's paternity, she didn't tell him otherwise. Jason, being a mob enforcer, had an extremely dangerous life, and Elizabeth wasn't sure if she could put a baby in that kind of danger. When she finally told Jason, then eventually Lucky, the truth, Jason agreed to give up all rights to his son Jake and let Lucky raise him.

Lucky and Elizabeth found their way back to each other one more time, but while they were engaged to get married for the third time, Elizabeth had another affair—this time with Lucky's older half-brother Nikolas Cassadine. She had known Nikolas for as long as she'd known Lucky, and Lucky was always the one she wanted. So, when she found herself attracted to Nikolas, it surprised her, and she tried hard not feel the feelings she felt for him. But, she and Nikolas couldn't resist each other and they had a passionate affair for weeks before Lucky found out about it. As you can imagine, when Lucky walked in on his brother making love to his fiancé, he was devastated, and broke ties with both of them. He never thought that the woman he had loved since he was a teenager would sleep with his brother, or that his brother would betray him like that either. After Elizabeth's affair with Nikolas became the gossip of the hospital where she worked—and the town—she suffered a nervous breakdown and started to lose it. She then was stunned to learn that she was pregnant, and didn't know whether Nikolas or Lucky was the father. She had a brief stay in Shadybrook Sanitarium due to this breakdown, and then decided to find out who the father of her baby was.

Elizabeth got back the results of the paternity test and they revealed that Nikolas was the baby's father. This upset Elizabeth because she truly wanted Lucky to be the father—he was the one she loved and wanted. However, unbeknownst to everyone, Lucky was in fact the baby's biological father. Nikolas' evil grandmother Helena Cassadine had switched the results, wanting Nikolas to raise a Spencer child as a Cassadine. Her plan was to raise the child to be evil and hate the Spencers and, once the child was grown, to have him destroy the Spencer family. She has always hated the Spencers, and thought that she could add insult to injury if she had one of their blood relatives be the one to take them down once and for all.

After Aiden was born, Elizabeth and Nikolas reconnected for a brief time. But, Aiden was kidnapped from the hospital nursery and Elizabeth once again started to have a breakdown. The worst was averted however, when Lucky, working for the Port Charles Police Department, tracked down Aiden and rescued him from Oregon. He brought the baby back to Port Charles and reunited him with his parents. Elizabeth and Aiden and her older two sons, Cameron and Jake, moved into Nikolas' castle, Wyndemere, where they and Nikolas and his older son Spencer could be a family. Elizabeth, however, became unhappy there and again started wanting Lucky back. She took her three sons and went to visit her sister Sarah in California for a while where she could relax and do some contemplating of her life.

When Elizabeth came back to town, she had decided to explore a relationship with Nikolas. When she got to Wyndemere, however, she found that Nikolas had already moved on with Brook Lynn Ashton. Brook Lynn had moved into the castle and was now trying to claim Nikolas for herself. Elizabeth became jealous of Brook Lynn and tried to use Aiden to get close to Nikolas. This didn't work however, and she was once again left out in the cold. She had lost Lucky, and now she had lost Nikolas, and she was by herself again.

She decided that she wanted Lucky for sure. She had always loved Lucky. Their bond was so strong that it couldn't be broken, she thought. He had adopted her older two sons and they would always be connected through them. Lucky, however, had also moved on. He had a new girlfriend named Siobhan McKenna whom he had met while on an undercover assignment in Ireland. She came back to Port Charles with him so that the two could continue their relationship. The problem, though, was that her visa was about to expire. They tried everything to extend it, but to no avail. Lucky decided that the only way for Siobhan to stay in the country was if they got married so that she could get a green card. Elizabeth was extremely jealous of Siobhan and hated that Lucky had moved passed her. She never wanted the boys to spend time with Siobhan, even though she wanted to get to know them. Elizabeth wanted to find a way to get Lucky back.

Then it seemed that things were finally going to go her way when people started telling her how much Aiden looked like Lucky as he got older. Elizabeth decided to have another paternity test, just to make sure. She prayed and hoped for a miracle, that Aiden really was somehow Lucky's, in hopes that that would bring Lucky back to her and away from Siobhan. She seemed to be running out of time to get Lucky back as his wedding day to Siobhan approached. Then, on his wedding day, it seemed too late when Lucky told her that he was going to get married that night. But, when she got home that night, she found the test results in the mail. She stood in the center of her living room while three-year-old Jake played on the floor behind her, near the front door. She held the envelope containing the results in her hands, and then opened them. She read them, and then stared at them, astonished at what she saw. Was it really real? Lucky was Aiden's biological father! She couldn't believe it was true, but she was overjoyed at what she was looking at.

She turned around to check on her son, but didn't see Jake. All she saw was the front door wide open. She ran outside screaming Jake's name and found him lying in the street unconscious, having been hit by a car. She called 911 and when they arrived at General Hospital, she franticly called Lucky, interrupting his wedding. Lucky and Siobhan, still single, rushed to the hospital to see if Jake would pull through.


	2. March 2011

CHAPTER 2

_March 2011_

Elizabeth is pacing back and forth in front of the nurses' station, her head down, her eyes staring off into space, her hand holding her phone which she is tapping against her other hand as she paces. She's in shock, she's too shocked to be scared, or worried. Her mind is actually blank, it's like she's in a dream—a bad dream, a nightmare, and she doesn't know what to think or how to react. Lucky comes around the corner hurriedly, Siobhan following close behind.

"Elizabeth! What's going on?" Lucky asks her, throwing his hands into the air, his face full of worry.

Elizabeth turns to look at him. With a worried expression, and sort of apologetic too, she tells him, "Jakey got hit by a car." As she says the words, her voice whimpers and her eyes fill with tears.

Lucky, dumbfounded, feels his heart sink. A sickening feeling comes to his stomach. He lowers his hands and looks at Elizabeth, who is silently crying as she stares at him. Lucky doesn't know what to say, and Elizabeth is waiting for him to say something. He swallows, and sniffles, then sighs. Elizabeth starts crying audibly and runs to the man she loves, throwing her arms around him, and bawls on his shoulder. Lucky wraps his arms around her and they stand there in front of the nurses' station, crying in each other's arms.

Siobhan is watching all this take place. She's been standing several feet back, giving them space. She realizes that this is undoubtedly a scary and emotional moment for the parents of a three-year-old boy, and she doesn't want to cause trouble, so she just stands there quietly. She feels hopeless. She barely knows Jake, but she still feels something for him, since he is her future stepson after all. She doesn't say anything though, knowing Elizabeth doesn't like her, and knowing that if she said anything it'd just make things worse.

Lucky and Elizabeth make their way over to the waiting area where they sink into a couple of chairs, still holding each other, but starting to regain their composer. Once seated, Elizabeth pulls back and wipes the tears from her cheek.

Lucky looks at her and asks slowly, looking for the right words to use, "What do you know? How is he? Who's working on him?"

Elizabeth swallows, "I don't know much. Patrick is working on him. I haven't gotten an update."

"Patrick? Patrick's a neurosurgeon!" Lucky gasps, bewildered.

"Yeah, Jake has a head trauma. They're going to have to do brain surgery." As she says the last two words, Elizabeth wells up again and starts crying. Lucky wraps his arms around her and holds her again.

As he holds her, he tries to reassure her, trying not to cry himself, "Patrick's the best neurosurgeon in the state, one of the best in the country. He's going to be okay. He'll pull through."

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Steven appears behind Elizabeth and Lucky, who are still holding each other, but no longer crying. Their faces are soaked in the moisture from their previous tears, however, and they're slowly rocking. Steven places his hand on Lucky's shoulder, and Lucky looks up to see him. Elizabeth looks up too, startled, but looking for news about Jake. Lucky and Elizabeth both gasp and their eyes get hopeful as they quickly stand up.

"Steve, how's Jake? Do you have an update?" Lucky asks him, anxiously.

"No, I don't, sorry," he says apologetically. He's calm, but he too is worried. As the Chief of Staff, however, he knows that he has the best neurosurgeon available working on his nephew. If anyone can save him, Patrick Drake can. "They're still in surgery."

"Well, get an update, Steven!" Elizabeth pleads. "Go in there and see how my baby's doing!"

Steven puts a caring hand on Elizabeth's shoulder. "They need to work, Lizzie. They don't need me going in there and disrupting them. They need to concentrate and get the surgery done."

Elizabeth starts crying again, feeling helpless.

"It'll be okay, Lizzie. Everything is going to be okay," Steven tells his little sister as he takes her in his arms and hugs her.

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Elizabeth is sitting in the waiting room, alone. Steven and Lucky have gone down to get something to eat. They didn't want to leave her, but she insisted. She wanted to be alone, she needed time to think and be by herself.

As she sits there, her mind wanders. She thinks about all the good times she had with Jake—his birthdays, his expression when opening gifts, him playing with his older brother Cameron. She chuckles and smiles as she says to herself out loud, "He always wanted to be just like his big brother."

Her expression then changes from happiness to regret. She starts to think about all the mistakes she's made, what she could have done differently, how she could have prevented this from ever happening. She thinks about how she's completely messed up her life, and the lives of her boys. She's had affairs, played games, led men on, and schemed without taking into account how her actions affect others. She thinks about how if she had never hurt Lucky by sleeping with his brother, she wouldn't have had to even have a paternity test done on Aiden, and she would have been watching Jake play instead of being preoccupied with looking at the test results. She realizes that it's her fault that Jake got hit by that car; she wasn't watching him, she was too busy dealing with her messed up life.

These thoughts lead her to start thinking about what it would be like without Jake. Her expression changes again from regret to sadness. If Jakey doesn't pull through this long, complicated surgery, she doesn't know what she'll do. For a brief moment, she thinks that in a few weeks, or months, that Jake will just be a memory and it won't even faze her anymore. She thinks that she and Cam and Aiden will just go on and live their lives. Then, she starts crying. She's just scared that he will die and that's how she's coping with losing him, telling herself it's no big deal.

She sits there, hysterically crying, when Lucky walks up. He crouches down in front of her and puts his hands on her shoulders.

"It's going to be okay, Elizabeth. We'll get through this, together," he tells her.

Elizabeth, crying uncontrollably, screams at him, "No it's not! It's not going to be okay! Jake is going to die and it's all my fault!"

A look of confusion comes across Lucky's face, "What are you talking about Elizabeth? It's not your fault!"

Elizabeth swallows and takes a deep breath. She looks up at Lucky, still crying, but not as hysterically. "Yeah it is, Lucky. Jake got hit by a car because I wasn't watching him. I was preoccupied. If I had been watching him…if I hadn't…."

Before she can finish her thought, Patrick and Steven walk up to them. Lucky and Elizabeth quickly stand, looking at Patrick anxiously for the update on their son. Elizabeth has now stopped crying. Patrick looks at his friend Elizabeth and her ex-husband, trying to be professional, but it's hard when the patient is the three-year-old son of your friend and coworker.

Patrick starts out slowly and professional, "It was a very long and delicate procedure. I was able to repair extensive damage to Jake's frontal lobe. There was a small complication when he started hemorrhaging, but we got that under control quickly. He made it through surgery, and he's in serious but stable condition in the Pediatrics ICU."

Elizabeth and Lucky don't know how to take the news. He made it through surgery, but he's in serious but stable condition. That means he could still die. A glimmer of hope comes to Elizabeth's face and she starts smiling.

Seeing his sister's face starting to light up, Steven wants to make sure she knows he's not out of the woods yet. "Jake is still unconscious," he tells them.

"Yeah, but that's because the anesthesia hasn't worn off," Elizabeth tells Steven, hopefully.

Patrick drops his head and looks at the floor. He then looks up at Elizabeth as he says, "Jake was unconscious when he was brought in. You said he was unconscious when you found him. At no time since then has Jake regained consciousness. Yes, he's still under anesthesia, but…," he trails off and takes a deep breath and talks slowly, as if he's apologizing, "but…we don't know when he'll regain consciousness…_if_ he'll regain consciousness."

Elizabeth starts to cry again. She looks at Patrick, angrily, and screams, "Are you telling me that even though he made it through this long, delicate surgery, that now he might never wake up?" The question is rhetorical. She's a surgical nurse, she knows what all this means. She's just angry at the world, but mostly angry with herself.

Patrick doesn't respond. He just swallows and looks back down at the floor.

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Elizabeth sits in a chair next to her son's bed in the Pediatrics ICU. He's unconscious and his small body just lies there, hooked up to so many tubes and wires. She sits by his bedside, holding his hand. She knows he's technically alive, but he doesn't seem alive to her. He's silent, still. She misses her Jakey who used to run and play and laugh with his brother. She thinks again about what it's going to be like without Jake at home. She can't bear to think about it and so she stops, but begins to silently cry as she watches his chest slowly move up and down. She knows he's not breathing on his own though, it's just the ventilator making him breath.

"Oh, God," she cries as she looks up to the heavens, "please let my baby come back to me."

It's been days since his complicated surgery, and she knows the longer he goes without waking up, the less likely it will be that he will. Elizabeth has been sitting next to Jake's bed nonstop for the last three days; she's only left his side for brief moments to use the restroom. She hasn't been home (her grandmother Audrey is taking care of Cam and Aiden), she hasn't been showering, and she's been having people bring her food in his hospital room. She refuses to leave her baby. Lucky had been there, next to his son, unwavering since right after the surgery, but after a couple days, he started spending less time with his son and more time with Siobhan. This unnerves Elizabeth. She can't believe he would rather spend time with that bitch than with his son who's in a coma. Because of this, Elizabeth hates Siobhan more than ever. She feels she is keeping Lucky away from where he truly needs to be.

Steven walks through the door. Elizabeth never takes her eyes of Jake; she's still holding his hand and staring into his expressionless face. Steven walks up next to Elizabeth and puts his hand on her shoulder. He pulls a chair over and sits down next to her.

He speaks slowly and very softly, "Lizzie, I'm worried about you."

Elizabeth jerks her head to look at him, astonished. She shouts at her brother in a harsh yet quiet voice, as if she doesn't want to wake up Jake. "Me! Why are you worried about me? You should be worried about Jake! I'm fine!" She looks back to Jake.

Steven sighs. He realizes that his little sister is on emotional overload and doesn't know how to handle it. "Lizzie, you haven't left this hospital room in days. You've barely eaten, and you haven't showered in days."

"I'm fine. My baby needs me, those things aren't important. I'm not leaving his side," she insists, not taking her eyes of Jake.

"Lizzie, Cam and Aiden are at Gram's and they're scared. They're scared because they don't know what's going on. They need their mother."

Elizabeth looks up at Steven, apologetically. "They need you, Lizzie. You can't put your life on hold; you have two other boys to take care of!"

Elizabeth calmly but defiantly tells her brother, "I'm not leaving Jake!" and turns back to him.

Steven sighs again, defeated. "Lizzie, look, um, why don't you go to the cafeteria and eat. I'll sit here with Jake, okay," he tells her assuredly.

Elizabeth looks back up to Steven, tears in her eyes, "I'm not leaving my baby, Steven."

Steven looks her square in the eyes and tells her very slowly, "Elizabeth, go get something to eat. Jake will still be here when you come back. I'll stay with him and page you if something does happen. Please!" he begs her.

Elizabeth finally agrees. Leaving her son seems to be the hardest thing she's ever done in her life. "Okay," she cries as she stands up, holding Jake's hand and looking at him, apologizing for leaving his side. "Mommy loves you." She kisses Jake's forehead very gently and cries harder as she turns to walk away. At the door, she turns back and looks at Jake, and cries some more. She then walks out into the hall.

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Elizabeth arrives in the waiting area, holding a cup of coffee. As she's walking, she stops dead in her tracks. Her eyes get big and her jaw drops. She can't believe what she is seeing, it's sickening. In the center of the waiting area, she sees Lucky and Siobhan in an intimate embrace. They have their arms around one another and they're smiling and laughing. Elizabeth can't believe they're actually smiling and laughing when a three-year-old boy is lying in a hospital bed just down the hall.

Elizabeth can hear them talking. Lucky smiles as he looks at Siobhan, who is also smiling. "Okay, so we'll get married in a week. I can't wait to marry you," Lucky tells Siobhan. Then they kiss.

Elizabeth is appalled. She marches over to them and blows up, "How could you!" she screams the accusation at Lucky.

Lucky turns, surprised, to see her. "Elizabeth," he says sheepishly.

"How dare you! Our son is dying and while I'm in there by his bedside, you're out here planning your wedding!"

"Elizabeth, Siobhan and I have to get married or else she's going to be deported. We don't have much time."

"Oh, I see. So you're little girlfriend is so much more important than your son! Let Siobhan get deported, but you're son is dying!"

"Elizabeth, Jake's not dying, he's in a coma! He'll pull through, I have confidence. I have faith, but no one knows how long he'll be in that coma. If he's unconscious for weeks, or months, or years…I'm sorry, but Siobhan and I aren't going to wait that long—we can't. We have to get married, and soon."

"You smug son of a bitch!" Elizabeth yells at him as she slaps him across the face.

Lucky slowly looks up at her after being slapped, surprised and his jaw clinched. Elizabeth glares at him with anger. Then turns, and stomps off.

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During the time Jake is in his coma, Elizabeth continues to sit by his bedside. Lucky and Siobhan, meanwhile, continue to make wedding arrangements. Elizabeth is so angry at them that she won't let either one of them in to see Jake. The day she slapped Lucky in the waiting area, he came by to see his son.

When he entered through the door, Elizabeth jumped up and pushed him out of the room into the hall.

"Get out, Lucky. You're not wanted," Elizabeth told him emphatically.

"What? What do you mean I'm not wanted? I want to see my son."

"No, you don't care about _my_ son; you only care about your stupid girlfriend. He's not even yours anyway. I guess you feel that since he's not biologically your son and that now he may die, you have better things to do."

"Elizabeth, that's not fair. Come on, I love Jake like he's my own. You know that! He's been my son since before he was born. We went through this a long time ago—where's this coming from?"

"Oh, like you don't know," Elizabeth told him, sarcastically.

Lucky bewilderedly watched Elizabeth turn and go back into Jake's room as the door closed between them.

Now, as Elizabeth sits there, holding her son's hand, she's saddened even more. She thinks about her life, how everything is really going downhill, with Jake in a coma and Lucky more concerned with Siobhan than Jake. She's losing her son and the man she loves—at the same time. It saddens her to think that Lucky doesn't even seem to care about Jake anymore. Yet, she still loves him on some level, and she still wants him. She feels helpless, though; she doesn't know what to do, how to keep her family together. She's too overwhelmed with trying to fight for Jake's life and trying to win Lucky back at the same time. She can't fight both battles at once.

It's been a week since Jake got hit by a car and had brain surgery. Elizabeth hears Patrick's voice in the hall. "The longer Jake goes unconscious, the less likely it is that he'll wake up," he says.

Elizabeth hears this, but isn't really listening. She then hears another voice, "How long before it's too long? How long before you, as a doctor, know it's doubtful that he'll ever wake up?" The voice belongs to Lucky.

At hearing this, Elizabeth jerks up straight in her chair and glares, irritated, toward the voices on the other side of the door. She can't see the men talking, but she is now listening.

"Lucky, it's hard to say. I mean, Jake has never been conscious since the accident. There was a lot of damage done to his brain."

"Yeah, but in your expert opinion, what are the chances he'll wake up, Patrick?"

There's a pause. Then Patrick finally answers. "In my experience, with this kind of brain injury, in children this age…," another pause, "…if he doesn't regain consciousness soon…in my expert opinion—and it's just an opinion—if he doesn't regain consciousness soon, I don't think he ever will."

Then Lucky, "what do you mean by 'soon?' A day, two days?"

Patrick gives an audible sigh. "Yeah, about that long."

Elizabeth hears Lucky groan, then Patrick continues, "Lucky, look it's just that way in my experience, but…look, I'm not real religious, and I'm not the best person to tell parents to keep hoping and praying and to give that sort of advice, but I do know that if that was _my _daughter Emma in there, that I wouldn't be so quick to give up hope. You asked me for his chances, and I gave them to you. You asked me for a timeframe, and I gave it to you, but…sometimes people beat the odds, sometimes things that are unexplainable happen. Call them miracles, or just good luck, but I can't tell you when to stop hoping that your son will wake up. You're going to have to decide that on your own."

At hearing this, Elizabeth looks back to Jake, his eyes still closed. She holds his hand and rests her head on his bed next to his motionless body, and quietly starts weeping. Her head is lying next to his hand on the bed. Suddenly, she feels something brush up against the top of her head, and something moves in her hand. It's Jake's hand! She gasps, instantly stops crying, and jerks her head up, looking up at his face.

She's a little disappointed to see that his eyes are still closed and he's still not moving. "It must have been a twitch," she says out loud to herself. She relaxes and lays her head back on his bed, where she falls asleep.

When she wakes up, she has this strange feeling. She's not sure what it is, but it feels like something is different, like something has changed. She looks up at Jake's face. "Jakey!" she shouts. His eyes are open! Elizabeth gasps and pushes the nurse call button. "Jakey, oh my gosh, Jakey!" She hugs him and starts crying, this time tears of joy.

A nurse's voice comes over the speaker and Elizabeth stammers, "He woke up! My son woke up from his coma!"

The little three-year-old boy has fear in his eyes. He doesn't know what's going on. He doesn't know where he is, why his mom is crying, and why she's so happy that he woke up.

"Jakey, it's okay. Mommy's here. You're going to be okay!" Elizabeth smiles.

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An hour after Jake wakes up, while Patrick is running tests on him, Elizabeth goes out into the hall, leans up against the wall, and slides down to the floor. She curls up into the fetal position, covers her face with her hands, and begins to bawl hysterically. It's not a cry of joy or happiness, it's not a cry of pain or sorrow, but it's more of a cry of helplessness. She is so tired, physically and emotionally. She has barely slept in the last week, her emotions are on overload, and she just frankly doesn't know how to deal with what's going on.

Lucky walks up to her, and seeing her, stops and asks worriedly, "Elizabeth, are you okay?" He's surprised to see her crying like that since Jake has woken up and he appears to be fine.

"I can't do this!" Elizabeth cries. "I can't do it!"

"What do you mean you can't do it? Jake woke up; he's going to be just fine!"

Elizabeth continues to cry. "I can't do it, I just can't."

Lucky's bewildered, he's not sure what Elizabeth is talking about. He doesn't understand what's wrong. He kneels down next to her and puts his hand on her shoulder. Elizabeth looks at him, still tears in her eyes and tears running down her face.

"We almost lost Jake! We almost lost him, Lucky. I don't know what I'd do if I lost him."

"But Elizabeth, we didn't lose him! He came back to us, he's okay," Lucky reassures her.

His words don't comfort her, she continues crying. All the time she spent not eating, not sleeping, worrying that her son was going to die, and worrying about Lucky marrying Siobhan has taken its toll. She's reached her emotional peak and now she's crashing, and she knows that she still hasn't stopped Lucky's wedding plans. She knows she should feel better; she knows she should be happy that Jake woke up, but she doesn't feel better and she can't feel happiness, and it angers her.

Lucky puts his arms around her, and they sit there in the hall, Elizabeth crying and screaming, Lucky holding her.

A couple of days later, Elizabeth appears to be feeling better—at least physically. She starts snapping at people though, for no apparent reason. One time, while she's sitting in Jake's empty hospital room while he's having tests run, a nurse comes in to make the bed.

"What are you doing?" Elizabeth snaps at the nurse.

"I'm making the bed, that's my job."

"No, just leave, leave it!" The nurse looks at Elizabeth, confused, and continues to make the bed. "I said leave it! It's fine!" she screams. The nurse leaves the bed alone and backs away, slowly and carefully, as if she doesn't want to cross Elizabeth again. "It's fine," Elizabeth quietly says definitively as the nurse leaves, "it's fine."

Another time, Lucky offers to bring Elizabeth some food. She's sitting in a chair reading a magazine and Lucky's heading for the door. "Hey, I'm going down to the cafeteria to get some lunch, Elizabeth. Do you want me to get you anything?" he asks her casually.

Elizabeth doesn't answer; she doesn't even look up at him.

"Do you want anything, Elizabeth—from the cafeteria?" Lucky repeats.

No answer. It's like she's ignoring him.

Lucky walks over to her and gets in front of her so she can see him. She glares up at him, "What?" she says, annoyed.

"Do you want anything to eat from the cafeteria," he says slowly and staccato, like he's talking to someone who doesn't understand English very well.

Elizabeth scrunches her eyebrows and looks at him like he's crazy. "No," she tells him in the same tone he spoke to her in, only a bit sarcastic.

"Okay," he replies in the same manner.

Lucky turns to walk away. As he reaches the door, he turns and looks back at Elizabeth. He thinks she's acting oddly. "Are you okay?" he asks her quizzically.

Elizabeth gives an audible, frustrated sigh, and slams the magazine down in her lap. She turns and looks at Lucky and angrily yells, "I'm fine! Just leave me alone! Gaw," then she turns and goes back to her magazine.

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A week after Jake wakes up, Elizabeth is able to take him home. She's so excited to finally take her son home and reunite him with his brothers. After she tucks the boys into their beds, all three of them—at last—she goes downstairs and finds an envelope on the dining table. She stares at it, she had completely forgotten about it. It's the paternity test results. She picks up the envelope and starts to open it, but then stops. She taps the envelope in her hand, thinking. She remembers that the night Jake got hurt, she had read the results and they said that Lucky was Aiden's father. With everything that has been going on, she completely forgot all about the test, and the results. Now it feels like it was all a dream, like she never really did open the envelope and see that. It feels like it was a lifetime ago, and that she just dreamt it.

Elizabeth sighs and looks down at the envelope in her hand. What should she do? Should she open it and confirm what she thinks she remembers them saying, or should she just deal with what she's already got on her plate without adding more to it? Then she thinks about Lucky marrying Siobhan, and she thinks that if Lucky is Aiden's father, maybe he won't marry Siobhan! Maybe he'll come back to her!

With this thought in her mind, Elizabeth quickly tears into the envelope, excited and hoping that it wasn't a dream and that Lucky really is Aiden's father. She takes the piece of paper out of the envelope and reads it. It's true! Lucky really _is _Aiden's father! She clasps the paper to her chest and smiles a joyous smile. This little piece of paper is going to change everything. It's going to change her life. It's going to make Lucky come back to her, and she'll finally have her whole happy family back together!

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As Lucky's new wedding date approaches, Elizabeth starts worrying about telling him the truth about Aiden. She doesn't want to hurt Nikolas, who has been raising Aiden as his own, but she really has all along wanted Lucky to be Aiden's father. She knows she has to tell the truth, if for nothing else but to stop Lucky from marrying Siobhan. She loves Lucky so much, and wants to be with him so badly.

Elizabeth finally works up her courage to go over to Lucky's apartment. As she stands outside his door, holding the envelope in her hand, she looks up to the heavens, "God, please don't let Siobhan be there," she says, then sighs. She bites her bottom lip then raps on the door.

When the door opens, she is happy to see Lucky standing on the other side, and not Siobhan. Elizabeth smiles a huge, joyous smile as she looks at Lucky and holds the envelope in her hands, clutched to her chest. Lucky smiles back, but a bit bewildered.

"Hi, Elizabeth," Lucky says, wondering what's going on.

Elizabeth doesn't know what to say. She doesn't know where to begin.

Lucky repeats, "Hi."

"Hi," Elizabeth finally manages, then exhales. "Um, can I come in?" she asks, still smiling. Then, realizing she better make sure Siobhan isn't there, she asks quickly, "Siobhan's not here, is she?" A worried look comes over her face when she asks this question.

"No, Siobhan's not home. She's at work," Lucky replies assuredly. He opens the door wider and motions for her to come in. Elizabeth's joyous smile comes back to her face and she enters Lucky's apartment.

As Elizabeth walks to the center of Lucky's living room, a nervous look comes across her face and she taps the envelope against her fingers. She bites her bottom lip as Lucky closes the door then stands in front of it, looking at Elizabeth, still bewildered.

He throws his arms into the air and then back down to his sides. "So, what's going on?" he asks, quizzically.

Elizabeth turns to look at him and takes a deep breath and holds it. She looks into the face of the man she's loved since she was a teenager. She is so excited that Aiden is his son, but this kind of news is hard to deliver for some reason. She doesn't know what to say, or how to say it. She doesn't know how Lucky will react. She's praying that Lucky will be overjoyed and leave Siobhan, but for the first time, she thinks that maybe he won't, and she gets a worried look on her face. Meanwhile, Lucky's looking at her, not having a clue as to what's going on. Elizabeth's had so many facial expressions since she knocked on his door and really hasn't said much of anything. He can't figure out what's going on.

"What's going on, Elizabeth?" Lucky asks again.

Elizabeth stares at him a moment longer, thinking. Then, deciding that the best way to take off a Band-Aid is to just rip it off quickly, she blurts out, "Aiden's your son!" Her facial expression changes from a bit of worry to joy, and she starts smiling again.

Lucky scrunches his eyebrows and stares at her. He heard what she said, but he thinks she's losing it. At first he thinks she's just gone mad. Then it occurs to him that she just might be lying to try to work some agenda. He chuckles and says, bewildered, "What?"

"Aiden is _your_ son, Lucky, not Nikolas'!" Elizabeth's smile remains on her face, but Lucky is still dumbfounded.

"Elizabeth, no, Aiden is Nikolas' son. We had a paternity test done—two!—we had _two_ paternity tests done, and Aiden is Nikolas' son. Aiden is _definitely _Nikolas' son, Elizabeth!"

Elizabeth walks over to Lucky, "No, see he _not _Nikolas' son, he _your _son, Lucky! He's your son!"

Lucky starts to look at Elizabeth as if she has gone mad. He starts to think that she really believes what she's telling him.

"Elizabeth, sit down," he says as he motions to the couch, thinking she need to rest, and maybe a drink.

"No! Lucky, I'm serious! Aiden is your son!" she insists, still standing.

"Elizabeth…."

"Lucky, I had another DNA test done. Aiden is your son!" she shouts, handing him the envelope.

Lucky looks at the envelope and sees that it's from a lab and then looks and sees the date of the postmark—it's recent, just a few weeks ago. He stares at the envelope in his hands, a thousand things running through his head as he slowly walks over to the couch and sits down. He's not sure what he wants the paper inside the envelope to say. He's gotten past the fact that Elizabeth had an affair with his brother and that he wasn't Aiden's father. He's moved on, he's marrying Siobhan. He loves Siobhan; he wants to be with her. Will whatever this paper say change anything? What will it change? He loves Siobhan regardless, but he doesn't quite know what to think of the possibility of Aiden being his son.

He finally opens the envelope and pulls the paper out. He unfolds it and reads. He puts the paper down in his lap and sits there, not saying a word, just staring into space.

"See? Aiden's your son," Elizabeth says quietly, but excited.

Lucky, still not quite believing it, looks up at Elizabeth and swallows. "This is pretty low, Elizabeth. How'd you do it? D'you pay off a lab guy?" Lucky stands and looks at Elizabeth, now with a little bit of an angry look on his face. "Why would you do this, Elizabeth? Why would you go and ruin my brother's life by taking his son away just to give him to me? Do you think this is going to make Siobhan want to go back to Ireland? What, so you can have me all to yourself? Elizabeth, this is sick. You've done a lot of things, but faking a DNA test to break up a relationship? That's bad. Using your kids, ruining lives, really Elizabeth, really?" Lucky accuses her.

Elizabeth, not knowing what to say, looks at Lucky worriedly, yet surprised that he doesn't believe it. "No, Lucky. I didn't—I wouldn't. It's true! I had another DNA test done and it was hard for me to believe at first too, but it's true! Aiden really is your son!"

Lucky looks at Elizabeth skeptically. "Elizabeth, we had two DNA tests done already that proved Nikolas to be his father! Why would you do a third?"

"Because the older he gets, the more Aiden looks like you! I didn't believe it at first either, but I went ahead and did the test, thinking Helena might have tampered with the others. And, Lucky, I was right. Aiden's your son; Helena must have tampered with the other tests!"

"With two, really? She tampered with two tests?"

"She must have, Lucky. Look, Helena's who knows where right now, but she was nowheres near this test! She must have tampered with the last two to show Nikolas as the father!"

Lucky sighs.

Elizabeth looks at him, with a serious look. "Lucky, I promise you. I wouldn't lie, not about this. Aiden really is your son, not Nikolas'. I promise you." Elizabeth walks closer to Lucky and puts a loving hand on his cheek, hoping for a tender moment. Lucky looks up at her and pulls away. He looks at her angrily.

"You need to leave," he says, pushing her toward the door.

Elizabeth, not wanting to go, tries to get Lucky to let her stay. "Lucky, Lucky, this is real. Please, believe me! We have a son together—a biological son! We're a family, Lucky!"

"Goodbye, Elizabeth." He opens the door and pushes her out, still holding the envelope and paper in his hand.

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A couple days pass and Elizabeth hasn't heard from Lucky. She doesn't know what to think. He won't pick up the phone when she calls, and he won't return her calls either. She's afraid he's avoiding her. She was going to tell Nikolas that Lucky was Aiden's father, but Lucky still had the test results, and without proof, he'd never believe her. Hell, he probably still wouldn't believe her, even with the proof, Lucky sure didn't.

At work, Elizabeth's job performance is suffering. She's making mistakes, such as writing things in the wrong patients' charts, writing grams instead of milligrams, and paging the wrong doctors or calling the wrong extensions. She's irritable, always on edge, and can't concentrate on anything. Her mind is always on Lucky and what's going on with him. She doesn't have a clue since she hasn't heard from him.

She's so worried that she's going to lose Lucky. She loves him so much and wants him to be a part of her family. She wants Siobhan to go back to Ireland and never see her again. She thought for sure her plan would work and that Aiden being Lucky's son would get him away from Siobhan and back to her.

Then, finally, one day Elizabeth's cell rings and it's Lucky! She answers it excitedly. "Lucky, hi! I'm so glad you called," she says cheerfully.

"Elizabeth," Lucky sounds serious and matter-of-fact, "I'm just calling to let you know that Siobhan and I got married." There's a pause, which Elizabeth uses to wrap her head around what he just said. "I love Siobhan, and now she's my wife. We're married, Elizabeth. We'll keep the same shared custody arrangements, just to include Aiden as well." There's another pause. Lucky's waiting for Elizabeth to say something, anything, but she's dumbfounded; she can't believe what she's hearing. Lucky continues, "Elizabeth, Siobhan is a good person. She loves me, and she wants to get to know the boys. She loves them too, Elizabeth. We're happy, and I wish you could be happy for us." Lucky sighs. Seeing as Elizabeth isn't going to say anything, Lucky ends the phone call.

Elizabeth cannot believe a word she just heard Lucky say. She knew for sure that Aiden being Lucky's son would make him come back to her, but somehow, it didn't. Lucky is now married to Siobhan, and she doesn't know what to do. She stands in the center of her living room, staring blankly into space, then drops the cell, falls to her knees, and cries. She bawls. She's devastated. The man she has loved for half her life is gone; he's left her for another woman and doesn't want her. It is finally hitting her that her chance with Lucky is over and she just sits in the center of her living room bawling uncontrollably.

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The next day at the hospital, everyone can tell that something has happened to Elizabeth. They have all noticed her changing behavior and attitude ever since Jake's accident, but now something has really changed overnight. As soon as she arrives at the nurses' station, she has a scowl on her face and doesn't say a word to anyone. She goes straight to picking up charts and opening them. She shuffles through charts as if she's looking for one in particular. She hurriedly rummages through them, mumbling to herself.

"Where the hell is it! Ahhh! I can't find anything in this damn place!" she shouts as she slams a chart to the floor.

Everyone around stops and stares at her. She looks up at them, "What!" she hisses. Everyone goes about their business.

This attitude continues for days. One day, Matt walks up to her and casually asks, "Elizabeth, do you have the Simmons chart?"

"No, I don't have the Simmons chart, okay!" she shouts at him.

Anytime anyone asks her anything or says anything to her, she scowls and screams back. A nurse comes up to her and says that a patient of hers wants more pain medicine. "I told her she can't have anymore! She's already had as much as I can give her. How am I going to get it through her thick skull that she can't have anymore! Maybe I should just give her as much as she wants and let her suffer the consequences, maybe that'll shut her up!" she shouts.

One day, the phone rings and Epiphany answers it. "Elizabeth, it's the daycare."

Elizabeth, not looking up from her paperwork says, "Take a message."

Epiphany, thinking it odd since usually Elizabeth wouldn't be able to get to the phone fast enough if it was the daycare in fear that something was wrong, says again, "Elizabeth, the daycare."

Elizabeth looks up at her, "I said, take a message!"

Epiphany, after talking on the phone for a moment, looks at Elizabeth and says sternly, "Elizabeth, Jake fell and banged his knee, he's crying for you."

Elizabeth looks back at Epiphany and says, "He'll be fine."

Epiphany can't believe it, it was just a few weeks ago that Jake was in a coma and now she's saying that he fell and Elizabeth couldn't care less. That is definitely not like her.

Later that night, Elizabeth is at home upstairs trying to sleep, but Aiden is downstairs screaming his head off. She tiredly starts to go downstairs. She sees Steven walk into the house.

As Steven walks in, cautiously, he's surprised that Cam answered the door. Aiden's in the playpen screaming his head off and there are toys and clothing and whatever else scattered all over the place, which is unusual since Elizabeth is usually very tidy and doesn't let the babies scream for too long.

"Hey, Cam, where's your mom?" Steven asks as he walks over to pick up Aiden.

Cameron shrugs his shoulders. "I don't know."

"Oh my gosh! Shut up! Why is he crying? Why won't he shut up!" Elizabeth screams as she walks down the stairs, very disheveled and holding her head. "Cameron, get your brother to be quiet, please. Mommy has a headache."

"Uncle Steve has him," he says.

Elizabeth looks up to see Steven holding Aiden as he's quieting down. "Oh, okay. Thanks. Now, maybe I can get some rest," she says as she turns to go back upstairs."

"Lizzie, wait!" Steven calls after her.

She turns to look at him. "What!"

"Lizzie, what is going on around here? This place is a mess!" Steven looks around again and notices Aiden in filthy clothes he's spit up on, Cam wearing clothes he's spilt ice cream and who knows what on, and Jake walking in the room in filthy clothes as well. "The kids' clothes are filthy, the toys and clothes are scattered everywhere, and—it's a mess!"

"Look, Steven, you try being a single mom and working full time. Okay? It's hard, I'm exhausted, okay? I'm going to sleep," she says as she turns to go up the stairs again.

Steven stops her, "Lizzie, Lizzie!" he shouts.

She turns and comes back down a few steps to look at him, annoyed.

"Lizzie, this isn't like you. You usually have everything in order and the kids all taken care of. But, to have Aiden screaming and you yelling at Cameron to take care of him? That's not like you. Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, just tired. If you're so concerned, then you can stick around and take care of everything. But, I'm going back to bed."

Steven sighs, and Elizabeth goes back upstairs.

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The days pass and Elizabeth gets worse and worse. She cries—a lot—and she seems to have no control over anything. Not her kids, not her job, not anything. She just can't handle it anymore. She can't handle losing Lucky, almost losing Jake, and taking care of her job and the kids. She just can't do it.

She sits on her couch, trying to put a shirt on Jake, which he is refusing. Meanwhile, Aiden is screaming, and Cam is pulling on her arm trying to tell her something. She's fighting with Jake, trying to ignore Aiden and Cam, and what she really wants to do is clobber someone. She can't stand it.

She drops the shirt, turns to Cameron and shouts, "stop it! Just stop it! Just shut up!"

Cam quiets, so does Jake, and they just stare at her. Aiden is still screaming. Elizabeth looks over at Aiden and then throws the shirt in his direction. "I can't stand it anymore," she cries quietly, then again, shouting it, "I can't stand it anymore! I can't do this. I just can't do this!"

Cam and Jake are staring at her, not knowing what to do or say. They're scared at their mother acting this way. Elizabeth jumps up and runs upstairs.

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Elizabeth knocks on Lucky's door. Siobhan answers.

Elizabeth sighs, irritated at seeing Siobhan, but she's through, she's through with everything. "Is Lucky here?" she says, annoyed.

"Yes, come in." Siobhan shows her in.

Elizabeth walks into the living room and Lucky comes in, surprised to see her. Elizabeth had refused to come over since they got married.

"Elizabeth," Lucky starts, but doesn't get to finish when Elizabeth interrupts him.

"I'm going to California, to Sarah's," Elizabeth says.

Lucky sighs, assuming that means she's taking the boys.

"I need some time away. I just can't do this anymore. It's too much."

Not quite knowing what she's talking about, Lucky asks, "What's too much?"

"The boys, the job. I just can't handle it. I need time away from it all. I'm leaving the boys with you."

Siobhan pipes up, "Wait, you mean you're leaving the boys?"

Elizabeth looks at her, she'd been ignoring her, and she's annoyed that she had to throw in her two cents.

"Yes, I'm leaving the boys. I can't handle them right now and I need to get away from them and this place and everything."

Lucky and Siobhan look at each other. They know that Elizabeth has had a hard time the last month and has been spiraling out of control. They're glad she's getting away and hope it'll help her, but they're concerned too. They're concerned for the boys, and they're concerned about Elizabeth.

"How long are you going to be gone, Elizabeth?" Lucky asks.

"I don't know, I honestly have no idea. I just can't take everything anymore. I can't handle the kids. I just can't do it. I can't do this anymore. I don't know if I can ever do it again."

Lucky and Siobhan aren't quite sure what she means. She can't possibly mean that she can't take care of the kids ever again.

"Elizabeth, of course the boys can stay with us, you don't even have to ask, but you'll feel better when you get back, after some time away," Lucky tells her.

Elizabeth looks at him, "I'm telling you Lucky that I honestly don't know if…" Elizabeth sighs, "…if I'll ever be back." She swallows. "I can't do this anymore." Elizabeth looks defeated and completely exhausted. She doesn't show any emotion about leaving the boys or about anything that she is saying. "That's why I had this drawn up."

She hands Lucky a piece of paper. Lucky looks at it and a surprised, no shocked, looked comes over his face. Siobhan sees the look on his face and goes over to see what he's looking at.

"Elizabeth…" Lucky starts, then looks at it again to make sure he's reading it correctly. "Elizabeth, you're signing away rights to the boys? Elizabeth, you don't want to do that! You can't do that!"

Lucky looks up at her. "Don't tell me what I do or don't want to do! I can't do this anymore, Lucky! It's too much! They're too much! I can't handle them!"

"Elizabeth, this is a huge, drastic move! This is legal paperwork, Elizabeth! You're legally giving up all rights to your kids!"

"Yeah, and it's done. They're at Gram's right now; you can pick them up tomorrow." Elizabeth turns and walks toward the door. Then turns and looks at Lucky and Siobhan, who are utterly dumbfounded. "You wanted to get to know the boys," she says to Siobhan, "now you'll have ample time. They'll be living with you." Elizabeth walks out the door.


End file.
